Transformation of the Heart

Stories by Devotees of Sathya Sai Baba - Compiled and edited by Judy Warner

Excerpts shared for educational and spiritual purposes with reverence to the author. This is a non-profit project dedicated to selfless service.

NEAR AND DEAR

Rosie Loew

It was on November 23, 1971, at the age of 22, that my spiritual adventure began. Although I did not know it at the time, this was an auspicious day, the birthday of Sathya Sai Baba. I left for what was to be a two week trip to Amsterdam, and ended up traveling for two years to Amsterdam, Italy, Greece, Israel, Cyprus, Pakistan, and finally to India.

This adventure would change my life.

I was born and raised in New York City and am a product of the '60s, a time when everyone was involved in alternative and experimental lifestyles. I was interested in having a good time, sitting around coffee houses, chatting about art and getting high. I was not serious about my work or about committing myself to anything.

Being raised in a large, extended, and loving Jewish family gave me a strong, healthy and happy foundation, which protected me from the allure of social pressures, enabling me to lead a moderate and balanced life. We regularly had weekend dinners with at least twenty people. There was a strong communication between the older and younger relatives. My parents were not religious, but the holidays and customs were celebrated and discussed. This feeling of closeness and belonging is a wonderful memory - one that I cherish to this day.

The trip in 1971 was my first outside the United States. The adventure of traveling, seeing new cultures and meeting new people from different countries was a kind of revelation to me. Everywhere I went, I met new friends who would join me in my adventure. My Marco Polo spirit erupted. I traveled into the mountains to visit remote historic spots; and I was attracted, over and over again, to places and countries because of their spiritual history.

When I arrived in Israel, I decided, in order to save money, to live in a kibbutz - a self-sustaining commune where members live and work together. My job was working in the kitchen serving breakfast and lunch, setting out food and cleaning up afterwards. This was a large community--everyone worked very hard but seemed to thrive on the group spirit of service. I felt my "family" extend and multiply as I moved along in my travels.

I traveled the length and breadth of Israel, which is filled with ancient and holy places. I visited all the religious sites rep, resenting Islam, Christianity and Judaism. I was saturated, a great feeling of satisfaction permeated my being. Once, in the Judean desert, I had a fantasy that I would like to be a part of a new chapter in history, one representing all religions and cultures; a new era that would benefit all of humanity.

One morning shortly after this experience, I was in a coffee house in Istanbul when a girl, dressed in multiple colors with bright henna hair, glided in and sat down at my table. I was amazed at her appearance-I had never seen anyone look so colorful. For about two hours she spoke to a group of us about her adventures in India. She felt that the color, culture and spirituality of India were unique.

I wondered what my parents would think when I told them about my new travel scheme: an overland trip to India! After all, I had already been away for over six months. I decided to telephone and present them with my new extended travel plan.

My mother was almost in tears, but I assured my parents that they would hear from me once a week by letter. Little did I know that the wheels of destiny were in motion now, and nothing on earth could stop the momentum.

In the Far East “the guest is God,” and during the next three months we experienced this, meeting some incredible people and often invited to dinner in their humble homes. Eventually, however, the water and food took a toll on my Western body. When we arrived in Lahore, Pakistan, a doctor told me that I had dysentery and must go to the hospital. I thought, “Not yet; if I'm going to die, at least let me die in India.”

When we arrived in Amritsar, it was 115 degrees in the shade. My friends did everything to make me comfortable, butwe finally decided to go to an air-conditioned hotel. Soon after, they had me checked into Amritsar General Hospital for proper medical attention, including some pills that didn't help much. Just as we were leaving, a young Sikh doctor told us that we should go to the Himalayas, where the climate and spirituality surrounding the place would heal me quickly. We didn't know of the Himalayas, but our inner feelings screamed loudly, GO! Somehow I knew that my journey was reaching a climax.

It took about three days to get to the Himalayas by bus. The scenery, people and places seemed old and familiar to me. The peaks and scented mountain forests aroused deep memories and far away feelings. When we arrived at Dalhousie, a hill station in Himachal Pradesh at an elevation of 8000 feet, I felt as if I were in the cradle of India's highest peaks. I was elated. My illness no longer concerned me.

Barely an hour after we'd gotten off the bus, we found ourselves face to face with a Tibetan monk, delightful looking in his red shoes and holding a large black umbrella. I sensed his peaceful and contented state. I had never met anyone like him before. He looked our way and greeted us with, “Teshe deled” Tibetan for, “I honor the light within you.” His English was surprisingly good-better than our Tibetan! He asked if we had a place to stay and invited us to take lodging in the guest quarters at his monastery. I couldn't believe it. This was exactly what I had wanted to experience. Everything seemed to gel. I was beginning to understand how the wheel of destiny turns when one's desire to experience is fulfilled.

After two weeks my condition acted up again, but now I was calm because, here in India, I felt at home. And somehow, deep inside, I knew I was being looked after.

There was a British nurse living near us. She recommended that I go to the nearby Belgian Mission, which included a small hospital. There I was greeted by the Mother Superior, who, with great compassion, said that within ten days I would be perfectly all right. Each day she visited me and spoiled me with her cooking and spiritual songs, which we sang together.

When I left the hospital to return to the Tibetan house, I saw circulars describing a meditation teacher named U.S.N. Goenkaji who was coming to teach a method of meditation called vipassana. This method was reputedly the one which Buddha had used to attain enlightenment: a technique involving concentration of the mind on the breath-between the tip of the nose and the lip - eventually leading to contemplation and meditation. The precepts of the Buddha were part of this great teaching. This was the first time I had heard “liberation,” “bliss,” and “peace” spoken of as individual goals as well as societal goals; and the mind, as a web of desires creating discontent.

We traveled with Goenkaji because his instruction and guidance were valuable. Through constant practice and listening to the discourses, I became more disciplined. I knew that this path would mean a lifetime of challenge, and I was willing to do it. What a change from my disinterested and uncommitted attitude of less than a year ago!

In the midst of all this, I received a letter from my family saying that they wanted to visit me in India. I froze. What would I do with them here?! Certainly they weren't going to meditate! So, I changed gears and decided to tour with my family to New Delhi, Jaipur, Agra, Cochin, Bombay and Bangalore.

While traveling in India, the name of Sai Baba kept coming up. I saw his photographs in many cities. At that time, I felt that Baba was a great teacher and a miraculous holy man, but since I was already involved in a formless approach, I had no desire to see him.

My parents left, very pleased at having seen India and me. With sadness I realized that soon I would also have to leave, as my visa was soon to expire. I returned home through Kenya, where a girlfriend and I rented a small bungalow in the rain forest near Mt. Kenya. The beauty and tranquility, and our daily meditations, helped prepare us for our transition home. We made a detour through Israel and England, and almost two years to the day of my departure, I finally arrived back in New York.

***

I was filled with experiences and feelings I could never have dreamed about. I had developed an inner perseverance and dedication to my spiritual path and its practices, as well as a deeper understanding of life's values. I saw myself in a new relationship to my daily life and society. My job in real estate would now become just another spiritual practice. I had changed and I knew that there would be no going back to my old ways and habits. Where I had once felt no commitment, I now felt dedication; my life now had purpose, discipline and direction. I had gone from whiling away hours in Manhattan coffee houses to meditating in the Himalayas ten hours a day.

When I had dinner with my best friend a few weeks after my return, one of the first questions she asked was "Did you see Sai Baba?" I was astounded to hear this. Now I was hearing his name right here in New York City and from my best friend! She asked me if I would like to go to Hilda Charleton's on Thursday evening. Hilda's meetings were very colorful, lively and nourishing, and everyone seemed to be fulfilled from these gatherings. I had been accustomed to being alone in meditation for ten hours a day, so the singing and discussions were totally foreign to me-yet, I was somewhat intrigued. From 1974 to 1976 I attended the meetings, for I longed to be with others on the spiritual path.

During this period, dreams of Sai Baba occurred on a regular basis. I had 23 dreams in 24 months! Each dream was vivid and felt as if it had actually happened. The dreams varied according to my needs at that time: Baba was my companion, spiritual teacher, advisor, and best friend. I felt very happy about this and finally said to my girlfriend, “If I have just one more dream, I'll go see this Sai Baba once and for all.”

Finally, in early December, 1976, we were off. I was curious to see Baba in person, to find out what my feelings and reactions would be.

We arrived in time for darshan at Whitefield and found seats on a line facing his house. I felt pretty relaxed and detached, and I felt comfortable using my vipassana technique to achieve an observant, disciplined attitude. Baba walked out at a very slow and sure-footed pace; his orange robe and afro hair glistened, while the sun around him seemed overly bright. As he moved closer to the people, I gazed at him with a steady look. His aura had heightened, and I noticed that my heart was beating so fast I thought the person next to me could hear it. This continued; I was feeling very happy, and observed that an inner monologue had begun. It wasn't my mind; it was a higher consciousness that kept repeating over and over again: “This is someone near and dear to you, someone you have known forever.”

The next second Sai Baba was walking straight toward us. He came over to me in his full glory and said, "You have come you came from Hilda Charleton?"

At this point I felt as if I were filled with unconditional light and love, and replied, “Yes, but now I will see only you!”

Baba said, “Yes, yes. And where do you come from?”

“New York.” He smiled and walked off toward the rest of the people eagerly awaiting him.

I turned to my girlfriend and said without a moment's hesitation, “The connection is now complete; Baba is what I have always been searching for. He is everything to me, my all in all.”

I was swimming in bliss. This melting was unlike anything I had every experienced-a very tangible and clear feeling. I realized after this meeting that Baba's hand had been involved in my whole life. My past and present made sense now; both had been a long, slow introduction to Baba and his message and mission. I later found out from others that Baba calls us to him when he wills-and not when we desire. And he appears to us in dreams by his will-not ours.

Shortly after this, Baba left for Puttaparthi and we followed. When we arrived at his ashram, Prasanthi Nilayam, I felt the atmosphere was holy and sacred, yet this was also a place charged with a worldly purpose. There were service and health programs, educational institutions for the young, and even a large, world-wide service organization. It was as if my fantasy of being involved in a new era had come true!

I told my girlfriend that I knew Baba would call me for an interview, and soon after, I was included in a large group of about twenty-five people. I was the last one to go in for a private talk. Baba spoke to me with his face very close to mine, and he told me things that proved to be very personal, and known only to me. He was confirming his all-knowingness.

***

Four years later, in 1980, my trip to Baba was a special experience for me because my mother decided to come along. She had read a few books about Baba and had seen the tremendous change within me, and now she wanted to see and meet him herself.

Baba was in Whitefield, and my mother and I weren't really getting much attention there. My mother was very disappointed because she didn't feel a connection. However, after the Christmas holiday, things seemed to change. Baba went to Puttaparthi; we followed and were given a simple room. We set up a comfortable sleeping arrangement on the floor for my mother and, to my surprise, she loved the ashram and felt very peaceful.

One afternoon on the darshan line, my mother and I didn't sit together. We thought that in this way we might have a better chance of catching Baba's attention. Baba walked up to my mother, smiled and, looking deep into her eyes, said, "Mother here and daughter there; mother and daughter should sit together." My mother felt that Baba had finally acknowledged her.

A few days later, Baba called us in for an interview. There was a large Italian group, my mother and I, and two friends. I was thrilled that she would now have her own opportunity to hear and see Baba and feel his presence. People were asking all kinds of questions; this went on for twenty minutes.

When finally there was a pause, my mother spoke out. She introduced me as her daughter and told Baba that we were very happy to see him. Baba replied, “Yes, I know her well. This is her fifth trip here, and she is my daughter also.”

I was overwhelmed by the fact that my divine Sai mother and my mother had interacted. And, of course, my mother was very inspired by this, as well as from seeing a few materializations.

One week later I learned that my mother had written Baba a letter and had given it to him at darshan. On New Year's day,

Baba walked over to us and called us in again for an interview.

I wasn't aware of the content of my mother's letter, but it was, in fact, the key to her final question regarding Baba.

In this interview, another mother and daughter had been included, as well as two girlfriends of mine. It was a very small and intimate gathering. We all sat close to Baba who was sitting in his chair, in a jovial and humorous mood. He made us feel comfortable and very relaxed and we were all so happy with his love. He made vibhuti and my mother viewed this intently. He spoke first to the other mother and daughter and made the mother a ring; she was crying with happiness.

Then Baba turned to my mother and said, “How are you?” With determination and deep longing to have her ultimate question answered, my mother replied, “Baba, why is it that everyone in here sees you as God and I don't?”

Baba leaned over in his chair slowly, looked deeply and compassionately into my mother's eyes, and said, “When you realize that God is within you, you will see me as God.”

For the next half hour, Baba was holding my mother's hand, intermittently twirling her marriage band. At Baba's instruction, my mother and I were sitting on the floor right next to his chair. The other four sat around us.

He then asked me, “How are you?” Before I could answer, Baba told me in great detail all about my health problems. He said that he would look after these small problems and that I was not to worry. He then discussed my job and cited a small argument I had had with my boss. Baba reminded me that, under my breath, I had been calling him. He told me it was not ladylike to be angry, and anger was not a good trait. We should speak sweetly and kindly to others. He then described the other women in my office, and said that when they weren't busy, they had unladylike conversations and that I joined in. Well, what could I say? He was right!

The conversation then returned to my mother-who I noticed was sitting there glowing. Baba assured her that my father was a good man with a "good heart"; that her brother was healing very quickly from open heart surgery; and that my sister would have his protection. My mother should not worry or fear; Baba was here!

I then asked Baba to bless the ring I was wearing. He took it from my hand and carefully looked at it.

“This is a very good make,”He said as he returned it to me. As he bent over in his chair to give me back the ring, he said something privately, which was extremely meaningful to me and awakened my higher understanding. It was so sweet, so filled with his divine compassion and guidance that I felt as if I were enveloped in a time warp, and I lost my awareness of the moment. In this blissful, unconscious state, I laid my head on the lap of my divine parent and drifted into his divine love. And then I became aware, little by little, of a faraway conversation. Slowly I came back to reality, with Baba lightly tugging at my hair and sweetly saying, “Get up, come up.”

I “awoke” to find my divine parent ever watchful and my mother sitting beside me. I felt completely at ease, but then I had a quick flash- “Oh my; what did I just do?” For this lapse had been completely out of character for me. In about a second that feeling left, and in another second I realized that Saba's infinite plan, in all our lives, is to give each of us what we need so we can get what he has truly come to give us-liberation!

The blissful experience of being enveloped in his light and love is the true condition of atmic reality. Baba is the great transformer. He fills us all and sets us on the right path, the dharmic path, so that we can attain our spiritual goal. He becomes everything to us-embodied in one, as unconditional love in constant action.

Baba ended the interview by allowing us to do padnamaskar, and he gave us packets of vibhuti. With all this, Baba graciously escorted us out of the interview room (as he is the dearest host) to see us off to the darshan line. We, of course, floated out.

My mother had come to see Baba, and Baba had given her his divine attention and had awakened her into spiritual life. Although eight years have passed since my mother has been to India, Baba has often asked me on my yearly trips, “How is your mother?” As for me – Baba is the avatar of this age. And Prasanthi Nilayam is not only a place in India, but the place in my heart where the indweller, Baba, resides.

We all have unique experiences with him. It is our good fortune to know Baba, see Baba, hear Baba and serve all of humanity as instruments of the divine. Serving is our greatest opportunity to expand beyond the limited self by dedicating all our actions to God.

I will continue to pray for Swami's grace, and I will continue my journey until I reach his lotus feet ... and merge in divinity.

May we all meet there! Jai Sai Ram.